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[12 Dec 2009|12:49am] |
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I want to be the one for you, want you to be the one for me. I need to see inside your mind, want you to see inside of me. I can't believe that you aren't real.
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[10 Dec 2009|02:52pm] |
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It is only upon the midnight hour that my demons haunt me.
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[07 Dec 2009|08:51pm] |
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I am not proud.
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[16 Nov 2009|08:11pm] |
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If I could relive that day I know not one thing that would change; I miss that sound and don't want to say goodbye.
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[12 Nov 2009|09:33pm] |
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The lights have turned to gray; should have just given in and sunk down. It's not an act so stop pretending I don't get what is missing; I can only lay my pride and hope on the line so many times before I surround myself into a shroud of the night's coldest embrace. I still look towards you for the light and warmth but it's slowly fading. The chances have been there to change but I feel it's better to turn away and indulge in the destruction of my own body and mind; the strange part is I don't feel a thing.
I can see my eyes pass before my eyes as I lay out here with the snow falling while my lungs fill with ice. I could of ended this all years ago by telling you no; I'd much rather fall apart. You may wrap me up inside of you but it won't matter because I'm looking for where forever dies. I'm no longer giving up to you; the world has been shut away. A crooked grin comes across my frostbitten lips while all the lights just seem to fade away.
I am not proud, but this is where I live now; the dark has taken over and I have lost the will to change.
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[19 Oct 2009|09:24pm] |
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Come down if you want it, another world awaits you. No angels are here for you, but no devil's claim this place as their own either. Come down if you want it; tear, pull, scratch until it is made a reality. Don't you give up on it, and don't bite the hand that feeds you. Darkness awaits; light no longer touches this place, rip into it until you can no longer feel. Go now and reach until you can grip it; come down if you want it because another world awaits you. Fight, fight, fight; push, push, push; rage until you can make it yours. This is no Heaven, but this is no Hell; it's a place meant for you and me. They hate you, they don't want you; come down if you want it. Fight, rage, and hate until you can no longer feel -- then you'll be there.
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[15 Oct 2009|03:20pm] |
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He wears his heart safety pinned to his backpack, his backpack is all that he knows. Shot down by strangers who glances can cripple the heart and devour the soul. All alone he turns to stone while holding his breath half to death. Terrified of what's inside to save his life he crawls like a worm from a bird; all alone, crawls like a worm from a bird.
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[11 Oct 2009|10:18pm] |
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I am so high I can hear Heaven.
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[07 Oct 2009|05:00pm] |
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Also not only are most of you pieces of shit, I also hate you. Congratulations.
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[30 Sep 2009|06:17pm] |
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I made a new livejournal friend today and she is a better friend than Cetta. o^_^o
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[27 Sep 2009|07:45pm] |
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Most of you that I know are pieces of shit. Congratulations.
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[22 Sep 2009|08:12pm] |
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Comment screening turned off again. Lets see if the creepies can stay away this time.
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[22 Sep 2009|07:52pm] |
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Everything just took a turn for the worst, I want to take my breath away and give it to someone more deserving. Do you want to be a part of my breakdown? I'm leaving into the thicket; lost and looking for the path that leads to nowhere. If I fall, I will not break.
I'm looking for the path that leads to nowhere, to trail down an infinity of stars and moons. I've shut the world away, I'm not proud of what I have become; shutting the world away. If you were to reach for my hand I no longer know if you can grab a hold; I'm so far away. I've shunned everything in existence even though I still put up the fake smile you all want to see.
Stop looking back, stop thinking, and stop slowing down for me. I'm taking my breath away, drowning in the sea; I no longer want to see. Sinking down even though I grasp for the surface, further to the bottom I go. Back on top again I come to further down nowhere; my search will end where forever dies.
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[18 Sep 2009|09:10pm] |
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As every day passes by I slowly grow a little colder to the world around me; hated, dislocated--this place is no longer for me. If you looked at me you'd see the shroud of black that comes around me in a loving embrace with the feeling of velvet and snow. If you looked at me would you even be able to see the fire that burns deep inside of my eyes? It's waiting to get out, it's playing in my mind... but with every gust of wind that hits my skin it dies down just a bit more--only a flicker now.
I tried to walk in the wrong direction, I tried to swim upstream, and I went against traffic; I was met with awkwardness and a person that no longer knew who I was--fleeting feeling, distasteful conversation, and ultimate run from the thought of anything anymore. Forever shall I remember these acts of betrayal, these little reminders that I can no longer be who I wanted to be years ago. The only thing I even see anymore is darkness coming until I can no longer see.
You claimed to be my fire, yet you're no longer here. You claimed to be my everything, yet you're now nothing. I can no longer view this world in the same as it once was; jaded, hated--everything seems to be a waste of time. I've come to see myself as nothing more than a miscreant to the world, everything vile that society could no longer hide.
The last thing I'll ever feel is the razor blade kissing the skin of my wrist, it's the only thing I seem to look forward to anymore.
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[28 Aug 2009|12:56pm] |
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She brought my eyes back to life tonight just to see them die; they might say I wasn't strong enough, that I wasn't weak enough. In the end nothing takes your place and I have nothing left to lose.
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[27 Aug 2009|07:54pm] |
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I never wanted this, I tried to convince myself that this wasn't real; I tried so hard. I never cared before, down on knee I went to pray to whatever god would listen to my plea; I don't want to watch this tonight. I have had the wind chill into the form of a razor in which to caress the skin, cutting it's cold down into the bone. Through the eye's of another I wish I could take; I try to convince myself this isn't real.
I've seen the world change.
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[13 Aug 2009|06:37pm] |
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Here we rest in peace; rubble beneath our feet.
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[20 Jul 2009|10:51pm] |
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They might say it's not worth fighting for, but they're all wrong. I'll travel in the wrong direction, past machine and nature; from the corner of my eye I can still see you there. This weight I carry on my shoulders I will hold with pride; it is not too heavy for me. I love you more than you can see, I swear it up and down with all that I am.
They say it isn't worth fighting for, but they can't pull me from this travel that I have taken; no ocean is too long, and no mountain is too large for me to get to you. I will be driving in the wrong direction, through night and day just to catch that glint in your eyes that the stars leave. I'll gander at both the sun and moon, wondering if you are able to see the same thing that I see in it.
They could say it isn't worth fighting for, but I know in my heart it is. Staple me to the cross, I'll rip through the nails and continue on; blood and sweat won't stop me, because I'm so close to having you back into my arms. Neither summer nor winter can stop this walk that I have taken towards you; neither cold nor heat will stop me from walking in the wrong direction. Rest easy knowing that I'll be there soon to re-claim you as mine.
I can never let any of you know her name, because you all will tell me it isn't worth fighting for. I can never let you know her face, but do know that she is an Angel in disguise. I can't let you know the way her skin feels, or how cool her breath feels against my cheek. I can never let you know any of this, but do know that I'll travel in the wrong direction forever as long as it brings me to her because it is worth fighting for.
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[17 Jul 2009|07:23pm] |
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Open your eyes, because I'm beginning to fly; just open your eyes if you feel alive. I swear through the night's rest that I shall take you as my light, I swear through the dawn's breath that you are my only star. I took a gander down this path long ago and wondered for a long time if the choice was right. I cleansed myself in fire and rain; from the Heaven's came brimstone and hail all at once. I cleansed my mind with the purest of pure; the feeling of your skin on mine. It took all of me to take these steps forward, it took all of me to not back down. All that I ask of you is to open your eyes and not shed a single tear; no single drop of dew from you. If you can do that then I will do the rest for you.
You are the only thing in life that is beautiful.
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[14 Jun 2009|02:27am] |
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The only thing I only ever loved was hate; set me free.
Drenched in loathement, I come to ask for purification; the rain will only kill us all. Devil on my shoulder, whispering in; the rain will only kill us all. Cuffed and thrown back I sit and curse your name as you chastise my every move. The only thing I ever really wanted was sin.
Everything vile while walking down a path meant for the beguiled. You follow after and you stay near just so I can have this reminder. You follow after and continue to speak even though I can no longer hear you. I am left with this reminder of what I was, what I became, and what I lost, and most importantly what I can't have. I'll take a knife and cut deep down I can no longer hear you; I'll drown you out with my own blood.
They all say, "It's never too late," but I'm bound for a path to make myself think it's still not too late... is it?
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german's journal